Emmanuel Episcopal Church
September 13, 2020
Proper 19, A
Matthew 18:21-35
The Cloak of Forgiveness, Healing, and Love
So, how many times do we have to forgive? Not just seven times, but seventy times seven…times. I actually did the math, and seven times seventy is 490. Now, 490 forgivenesses would be kinda hard for me to keep track of, so I did some more math, using this prayer bracelet. It has 14 knots, so if I pray to forgive a person on each knot, every day, then I’ll reach that 490 number in 35 days. So, with this prayer bracelet, I need to pray to forgive someone once a day for one month and an additional four days or five days, depending on the month.
Ok, I don’t think that’s quite what Jesus had in mind, although praying to forgive someone 14 times a day for 35 days just might go a long way to help me actually forgive someone and release that burden. We’ll get back to that idea, but first I want to take a look at this seventy times seven number that Jesus gives.
The number of times Jesus says we should forgive someone is not arbitrary. The number comes from Genesis chapter 4. Cain killed his brother Abel and then was told that if anyone killed him, he would be avenged sevenfold. See, Cain was afraid that the whole world would be against him for killing his brother, so being avenged sevenfold was a form of protection. If you are killed, you’ll be avenged sevenfold. Ok, so murder bad, and lots of vengeance is brought into the world. Then, Cain’s great-great-great grandson, Lamech killed a man, and he was presumably afraid that someone might seek retaliation against him. So he said, “If Cain is avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy-sevenfold.” (Genesis 4:24). That’s a lot of vengeance.
So when Jesus told Peter that he was to forgive as many as seventy-sevenfold times, Jesus was saying, as much vengeance as there is in the world, that is how much you are to forgive.
A total reversal of vengeance upon vengeance. A total reversal of keeping a record of wrongs and demanding punishment or repayment of the debt of those wrongs. A letting go of vengeance and restitution and seeking instead healing and restoration.
Love is the idea that Jesus gives, not keeping a record of wrongs. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love keeps no record of wrongs. Now, in the New Revised Standard Version, it reads love is not resentful. That’s a nice summation of “keeps no record of wrongs.” Resentment is just that, keeping a record of wrongs.
Resentment says, “I will not let this go; I will not forgive the wrong done to me until it has been avenged seventy-sevenfold.” Then, after waiting for a seventy-sevenfold vengeance, our hearts have been turned dark, and we find we are no longer able to forgive. All we can really do at that point is to continue in anger and resentment, the burden having grown more than we can bear, but the burden also having wrapped itself around us like a cloak so tight that we cannot escape its grasp.
Instead of vengeance seventy-sevenfold, Jesus tells us to forgive seventy-sevenfold. As much vengeance as there is in the world, that is how much we are to forgive. In doing so, we unburden ourselves. The cloak of anger and resentment loosens its grip, until we can eventually let that heavy cloak fall to the ground and be clothed instead with the cloak of light, the cloak forgiveness, healing, and love.
Forgiving others is not about what is owed or what is deserved. Forgiving others is about unburdening ourselves and unburdening them.
I should note that unburdening is not the same as continuing to go back for abuse. “I keep going back and they keep on hurting me.” Stop going back. Forgiveness does not mean keep going back. Forgiveness is release, letting go of the debt, erasing the record of wrongs. Forgiveness is letting go of the hurt, knowing it can’t be fully restored, and out of love (for self and for the other), releasing the debt, erasing the record of wrongs. You can also stop lending to that person so to speak. With forgiveness, you may need to say, “I can’t be around you anymore,” or “here are the boundaries I need to be able to be around you.” That’s ok. I doubt the king in Jesus’ story continued to lend to the servant from whom he had forgiven all that debt.
Forgiveness is letting go of the hurt and the desires for vengeance. Remember that love is the idea, love of self and love of the other, and love as forgiveness releases us and each other from the dark, heavy cloak of vengeance. Then love lets us be clothed instead with the cloak of light, the cloak of forgiveness, healing, and love.
Love keeps no record of wrongs, but our brains do, don’t they? Our brains keep a record of wrongs; our emotions keep a record of wrongs. They keep these records in our bodies, in our neural pathways, in our senses of sight, touch, smell, hearing, sound. The record of wrongs is written all over, in, and through our bodies, and so it takes work to erase that record. It takes work to unburden ourselves and to truly forgive.
Now, back to the idea of forgiving someone 490 times, back to the idea of using a prayer bracelet to pray forgiveness over someone 14 times a day for 35 days. Doing so would go a long way to help me actually forgive someone and release the burden of anger and resentment. As I pray to forgive someone over and over, I start to rewire those neural pathways so that they are no longer focused on vengeance and resentment. They become focused instead on love. As I pray to forgive someone over and over, I begin to see that person as a broken and sick individual who needs love and healing just as I do. So, forgiving someone 490 times, or 14 times a day for 35 days is probably a good start toward actually being able to forgive that person. We pray over and over to forgive the person who has wronged us, and then we pray, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.” We pray this day after day, month after month, year after year, until our bodies no longer hold the records of wrongs done to us, for love keeps no record of wrongs.
How often are we to forgive? We are to forgive seventy-sevenfold. As much vengeance as there is in the world, that is how much we are to forgive. We work daily at forgiveness, over and over again, and as we work at forgiveness the grip of the cloak of resentment begins to loosen and eventually falls off, and then, unburdened, we can be clothed instead with the cloak of light, the cloak of forgiveness, healing, and love.
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